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Five Evils Update for the Week of 9-27-2014

Written by:

Published on: September 27, 2014

As you know, I am in favor of a Torah Nation and world. As you also may know, I believe there are Five Evils to confront at all times, and that we are now in a state of the world which is in crisis on all five fronts at once.

Let’s look at this week’s Five Evils Report:

1) SAVAGERY. By savagery, we mean a propensity to commit violence and murder in a barbaric fashion, with a purpose of domination. While savagery can also be applied to other evils, there is a barbarism which seems endemic to a people, almost genetic. As usual, the Muslims are at the top of the heap here. And for those who cry out that there are moderate Muslims, where are they? Their silence is a tacit agreement to the Caliphate that looms over all of us. If it were just a few thousand Muslims, we could live with their craziness and eradicate them swiftly. But if even 10% of Muslims are barbaric, that’s 150 million savages.

The big news this week is that the United States has begun bombing Syria, in accordance with the John McCain Doctrine to bomb anything that moves. Many applauded the arbitrary military activity, saying that it’s about time our President teed off on something other than the 13th hole. Liberals everywhere were astonished at how fast they made their transition from anti-war to completely bloodthirsty. ISIS vowed to make a full-length movie recording the marginal attack, but they were outbid by Steven Spielberg, who needed the special effects for his next Star Wars incursion.

More importantly, the strafing of Syria deflected attention from the fact that thousands of American soldiers were heading to Liberia in order to contract.. er, fight.. Ebola. It is reported that Ebola, miffed by being dissed in the press this week, will go on its own airborne strike.

None of this changed anything. Saudi Arabia will still run OPEC. Dubai will still be a haven for the naïve wealthy who believe their magic carpet won’t be pulled out from under. Gaza will still be a breeding ground for the next generation of terrorists. The Caliphate is still on the agenda, only the Board of Directors is still shrouded in mystery… or secrecy.

Slaughter of Christians in the Middle East dissipated somewhat this week, but only because they were officially placed on the endangered species list. Complaints regarding this remark may be sent to John Kerry.

2) STATISM. The big bear continued its push for Lebensraum, carrying out its demiurge to recreate the Tsarist state. Ukrainians, seeing American jets heading towards Syria, yelled up, “Hey! Over here!” Ukraine, in order to get proper attention, is now planning its own Caliphate.

Communists descended on New York and other cities this week to protest climate change. To appease, the government will remove from its maps all references to seasonal and tidal shifts.

“Tens of thousands” attended these “rallies” for “action.” The media was on hand to exaggerate the huge event. Millions of people who don’t want any such action were not quoted by the media, mainly due to laziness, caused by cowardice, invoked by the church, under strict orders.

Plans to hose down the pseudo-hippies with honey and release the fire ants were foiled by the FDA, who confiscated the raw honey as dangerous.

Fast food workers ended their strikes with a whimper when it was discovered that unemployed MBA’s were lining up for their $15 per hour jobs.

And Obamacare went on a rampage this week, destroying billions of dollars in pension funds, an unintended consequence. When interviewed, Obamacare called the charges bogus and racist.

3) CORRUPTION. Leon Panetta made a surprise visit to 60 Minutes this week to let us know that when US troops finally pulled out of Iraq he was not confident that peace and order would be maintained. Previous testimony he gave in 2011, in which he said just the opposite, was immediately scrubbed from the Internet, and all persons involved sent for reeducation. That means you!

Benghazi made the news this week, as Muslims finally said NO to terrorism in that city. The State Department immediately hailed this great victory for its public relations. When questioned regarding whether it’s too little too late, one spokesman screamed at the top of her lungs, “What difference does it make!?”

The Federal Reserve is set to be audited. On hearing this news, three hard drives immediately crashed. The noise could not be heard over the sound of printing.

4) CRIME. Mexican cartels threatened to execute a number of American patriot groups who planned to monitor and perhaps even block up ports of entry from Mexico into the United States. A letter of apology was immediately delivered to Los Zetas. The Zetas sent their reply of acceptance via company mule.

Turning to weather, heavy cowering is expected throughout the nation.

5) HEDONISM. A news reporter quit her job on-air, saying she was a hypocrite for running an anti-marijuana story while at the same time heading up a pro-pot organization. Supporters exhaled a sigh of relief.

Homosexuals were enraged this week to find their fab-ness stolen by Gallo Nero, who stole their thunder by advertising “straight” ice cream. Flavor of the week was “ingratitude for helping you stem the AIDS epidemic so you might continue having unnatural and immoral sex.”

Atheism made news by opening a foxhole factory. Critics who claimed that such foxholes are invisible and, therefore, don’t exist were ridiculed.

That’s it for now. Goodnight and have a Torah week.

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